So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
