And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
