none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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