I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you inspire me to be a worse person
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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