We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
