We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
