I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
