The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
