Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
