you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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