Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize