Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
