I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
