ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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