Where did you get a picture of my penis
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We are all done wearing pants today
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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