I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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