U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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