im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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