My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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