So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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