Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
