Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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