i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
