he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
