you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my liver is dry heaving
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
