The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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