Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
