he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
