Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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