i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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