This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
