He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
