made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
