69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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