Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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