my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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