I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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