Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize