i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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