Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
