There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
