is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
