The maid of honor just puked.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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