At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
