hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
