dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
