Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
