remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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