toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
