I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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