I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
