Kiss
Puke
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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