dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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