Tell her she can't have a vagina
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
