fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
