I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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