I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
