I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
