She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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