shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
