I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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