shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
